Ramblings

Life, family, business

Author Archives: jeanneahlers

You’ve Got A Friend In Me

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You've Got A Friend In Me

Sometimes its the little things that mean the most. This picture was made by my friend Amanda, two years ago in May, right in front of the door to my store. I believe she had just turned seven. I was sad when the rain washed it away, but happy that I had taken this picture when it was fresh.

One of the things I feel is so important is to encourage our children and the children we have in our lives, to use their imagination and their creativity. So many times the arts are brushed aside for things like sports, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I think its important for all of us to have a well-rounded education, in school and in life. Trying different activities is fun, and that’s a great way to see how many talents you truly have. Maybe its painting or drawing, sculpture or carving. Maybe its music, maybe its an eye for design, maybe its a thing with texture. There are many careers where having a bit of an artist in you is very beneficial. (Think architecture, construction and engineering, just to name a few.) There’s nothing wrong with being an artist, its in your heart, and its there for a reason. You can play sports, be a good student, and be an artist all at the same time. And when you grow up, you’ll be a team player, a smart person, and you’ll be able to line your walls with your own art.

Life goes fast, don’t waste it!


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How to be Happy: Dis-Courage-ment or En-Courage-ment?

Have you ever felt discouraged?  Have you ever felt encouraged? Did either make you feel happy?

What does that even mean?

Discouragement, as defined by Google, is the loss of confidence or enthusiasm. Or hope.

Encouragement, defined by Merriam-Webster, is the act of making something more appealing or more likely to happen.

That makes me ask: what is courage?  Courage is the root of the words discourage and encourage.  Courage is the ability to do something that frightens you.

So now I ask, what frightens you?  What frightens you so much that you would be too scared to do it?  That’s dis-courage.

What is frightening to you that you have done anyway?  That’s en-courage.

I think sometimes we use the word “discourage” to mean sad.  I felt discouraged when the rain came.  I felt discouraged when I didn’t win the contest. We have lost our hope, our enthusiasm, and we feel sad about it.

How can we be happy?

There’s so many discouraging things going on in our world, and it seems like it just gets worse.  How can we have hope?  How can we get our enthusiasm back, or maybe even just a little to start with?  Some people always see the worst in everyone and everything.  They have discouraged themselves, and that makes them spread discouragement everywhere they go.  Why keep trying if its never going to get any better? If you let this continue, it can turn into depression.

Others see the best in everything, the eternal optimist, and they spread that joy and hope to others around them.  They may fall and they may lose, but they get right back in there with a smile on their face, ready for the next challenge.  They never seem depressed, even when they have every right to be.

Which of those people would you like to be?  I consider myself to be a realistic optimist.  I know there are bad things going on in the world that I myself am not able to change.  But I know there is a lot of good going on in the world too.  And maybe I can’t change the world for everyone, but I can change the world for myself.  I can be the encourager.   I can be the one to help change myself and my mindset so that I can see the good in people, and see the opportunities all around me.  And then, once I have changed myself, I can start changing the world for others.  I can be a better mother, I can be a better wife.  I can sponsor a child from a third world country, or I can spend time with the kids in my neighborhood and give them some attention that maybe their parents don’t have time or energy to give.  I can spend time with my elderly neighbors who maybe don’t get out much, or don’t have much company.

I can also spend my time learning new things or discovering new places.  Sometimes it takes a little courage to get out of our recliner and take a hike up that new trail, or take the different route, or the road less traveled.  Its takes courage to get out of our comfort zone and try something new.  Fear, dis-courage, can keep you from trying new things or going to new places.  Don’t be afraid.  Have courage!!

There are so many opportunities to help others, to encourage them to be happier people.  But you have to fill your heart with happiness in order to spread that happiness around.  I believe that God fills me with hope and love and peace, and that is my happiness.  Not everyone believes in God, and that’s up to each person to decide.  But either way, when you stop focusing so much on yourself, you are able to focus on others.  And by helping others, each of us can be an encourager.  Each of us can give help and hope to others, and that is infectious.

Helping others is a sure way to feel happy.  You don’t have to spend any money, but it will cost you some time.  But time spent helping is much better spent than time spent wallowing in our sorrow and unhappiness.  Again I tell you, don’t be afraid; have courage!!

Can you tell me about a time when you did something that really made you happy?  Or a time when you were encouraged, or discouraged?


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Random Acts of Kindness

This post is inspired once again by something asked of the participants at kickboxing class.  Our instructor, Amy, asked each of us to tell of a random act of kindness done to us, or done by us.  There were some really great comments, and things that people have done for other people.  One lady had even bought another person’s groceries when they didn’t have enough money at the  checkout line.  We were also then asked to think about what we could do for someone else this week.

This led me to think about what I could do that is out of the ordinary.  I do hold the door for people, I help people carry things that are too heavy for them, or if they have more items than they can carry, at the store where I work.  But that’s just customer service.

While shopping, when I go to get a cart, if there is someone with small children or an older person, I will give them a cart and get another for myself.  I will reach things on the top shelf for people who are shorter than me, because I can reach the top shelf and they can’t.  I also try to always have a smile on my face, and I really try hard to never talk on my cell phone while the clerk is checking out my items.  But that’s just good manners.

What can I do that’s out of the ordinary for me?

But this thinking also made me think about how sometimes, the one who needs the biggest act of kindness is our self.

I think most of the time, I am my biggest critic, and I think this is true for most people.  We are too hard on ourselves when we make a mistake, even though we know that everyone makes mistakes.  We find it hard to forgive ourselves, even though we would forgive anyone else who did the same thing in a second.  We expect perfection from ourselves, even though we know no one is perfect.

So perhaps, one of the random acts of kindness I should do, is not to berate myself for getting behind on my paperwork.  Maybe I should walk by the sink full of dishes and go for a walk on a nice day.  The dishes will still be there when I get back! (Unless my dear husband does them, which he does on a regular basis.)

Speaking of Dear Husband, its his birthday on Thursday.  Maybe my random act of kindness will be to have an extra piece of cheesecake with our birthday dinner!  But what I’ll do for someone else, I will keep thinking.  I believe that if I ask The Universe (God) for this opportunity, it will be provided.   I’ll get back to you on what happens.

What are random acts of kindness you have experienced in your life? (Either given or gotten?)  I would love to hear about them in the comment section!

 


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Goals

At kick boxing class tonight, the trainer asked each of us for an accomplishment in our lives, and a goal. Luckily, I was toward the end of the line, but I still had a hard time coming up with a goal I felt comfortable sharing with the group. Most of them had fitness related goals, or nutrition related goals. I came up with the goal of losing my belly fat, which is a true goal that I’m striving toward, but what about all my other goals? And what’s the difference between a goal, and something I’d like to do?
A goal is a desired result a person or a system envisions, plans and commits to achieve a personal or organizational desired end-point in some sort of assumed development. Many people endeavor to reach goals within a finite time by setting deadlines. (Wikipedia)
The “something I’d like to do” is just something, well, I’d like to do someday if the opportunity arises. So it seems that I have a huge list of things I’d really like to do someday, but only a handful of true goals.
And what about the goals I have already accomplished? There’s quite a few, I can proudly say. But in reality, many of the goals I accomplished weren’t really goals, they were just things I’d like to do. The opportunity arose, so I did them.
But maybe we all set goals differently. Maybe some people have a hard time writing goals in stone, and others of us, like me, have somewhat squishy goals. Sure they are goals, but yet, I have no definite plan for how to accomplish them. But yet my subconscious knows they are goals, and works me into a situation where I can accomplish them.
So in this goal of fulfilling my goals, I need to have faith. I need to have faith that the Universe will send me ways to accomplish my dreams and do the things I want to do. I need to have faith that I will notice the opportunity when it arises so I can take advantage of it.

But I do have concrete goals as well. Some of my super-goals are to start a community garden in my town, to finish writing my book, and to have shoulders like Jillian Michaels.  These are the goals I actually work on, on a regular basis.  But the rest of my many, many goals are just spinning out there in space, waiting to see if they can latch onto anything.  I’m a “go-with-the-flow” kind of person, so this doesn’t bother me at all. However, I imagine if you are a person who likes their lives to be regularly scheduled, this may not work.

What kind of person are you, and what kind of goals do you have for life?  I love to hear about it in the comment section!


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Snowday!

Sunday started out as a beautiful day. The temperature rose into the 50’s, there was a very light breeze, and it was a beautiful spring day. (Don’t forget, I live in North Dakota.)  I started out by cleaning my chicken coop of the soiled straw.  I shoveled it up, and made numerous trips to the garden to dump it.  My husband started a bonfire to burn some old pallet boards.  The chickens ran around the yard, pecking and scratching at the dirt, and eating all the seeds they could find.

After the coop was cleaned out, I put in fresh straw for the ladies, and they pecked and scratched at that too.  I found my pair of loppers and started cutting and pruning the dead wood from my privet hedge, and cutting it down to a manageable 6 feet tall from the 9 or 10 it had grown to last fall. The dead wood went in the fire. I cut down my raspberry stalks and burned them up too.   My husband grilled some elk sausage and elk steaks over the fire for us and our son.  And it was good.

IT WAS GOOD.

Then, the wind started to pick up in the afternoon.  The wind continued into the night, and we knew the storm was coming.  The air felt shifted.  It felt heavy.  The next morning I went to work in the heavy, hard wind, and then the rain started. I wasn’t just any rain, but freezing rain.  It stuck to the windows, and where it hit, it froze immediately.  I could see the tiny grains of ice in the drops.  And then it stopped.  I put ice melt in front of the door.  Within a couple hours it all melted.  Then the next round started. This time it was graupel.  ( http://www.fsavalanche.org/encyclopedia/graupel.htm)  It coated the roads and the parking lot.  The corn husks and dried up leaves whipped across the parking lot.  When I went outside, the frozen pellets stung my face and then I realized the temperature had dropped quite a bit.  The wind rattled the windows and shook the walls.  All sorts of things flew by the window, and it was foreboding.

Once home, I sat and read for awhile. My husband, home from work an hour early because the interstates had closed at 3:30, was working in the garage putting the new tires on the golf cart. (Yes, we are optimists.) He came in and exclaimed that he couldn’t see our neighbor’s house behind us.  I looked out the window, and sure enough, behind the chicken coop was a white sheet, hiding the next house about a block away.  The snow continues into the night, reducing visibilities and making the roads very hard to travel.  It was dangerous.

In just 28 hours my backyard turned from a happy spring day, into a blizzard. Luckily, it only dumped 4 inches of snow on us, far short of the earlier prediction of 12 to 18. For this I was grateful, but still, I had to wonder if Mother Nature was playing an April Fool’s trick on us.  We went from the green grass starting to peak through the brown dead grass from last fall, to white snow.  We went from bonfire to snow bank in a very short time.  And it was discouraging.

Sometimes life is a lot like the weather.  Everything is going great, then something changes and a blizzard shows up, right in the middle of your nice spring day.  Things are going great, and then, in the blink of an eye, it all goes downhill.  Its so easy to give up hope when we perceive that bad things are happening to us.  Its easy to give in to depression and sadness, and think that things will never get back to normal.  But in reality, they always seem to work out for the best as long as we expect it to.

And it will.

I know that this is a temporary set back for the weather turning to warm summer days.  It will happen. It always does.  And as much as I rolled my eyes about this storm, the snow brings nitrogen to the soil, and moisture, which the crops, and the flowers, and the grasses, and the vegetables all need in the spring.  It may be uncomfortable for a short time, but in the long run, this makes things better.  It was adventageous.

Many times in our lives, its the hard things that define who we are.  Its the uncomfortable things that make us grow, and learn,  and live.  The next time you feel that you are in a downward spiral, stop fretting.  Open your parachute and rest easy, knowing that it will make you stronger.  Perhaps you will learn an important lesson that will benefit you in life. Perhaps you will meet someone who will become a best friend, or a significant other, or a beloved spouse. Perhaps you will gain life experiences that will help you write a book, start a business, or become a better person.

Life can only get you down if you let it. Because life is good.

Have you ever had an experience where you learned something good from a hurtful experience? I’d love to hear about it.

 


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“Your Stupid”

 

How many times have you seen this in the comment section of some news article or some political commentary? Whenever I read it, I want to ask “your stupid what?”.  Is it your stupid comment? Your stupid opinion? Or are they trying to say “you’re stupid”?

You see, I have the grammar police in my head much of the time, and I notice grammar mistakes very easily, (unless it’s in something I wrote myself).  There’s a reassuring voice inside my head that tells me that I’m better than they are because I paid attention in English class all those years in school.  I’m better than they are because I can correctly use a contraction.

What does your voice tell you? Are you better than others? In what way?

I know many of us struggle with the perception that we are better than others because of our opinions or beliefs, or the family situation we were born into, or other outwardly reasons. I’m better than you because I’m from a well to do family. I’m a vegan. I’m smarter. I’m more mature. I’m prettier. I’m stronger. I work out more.  I got the promotion that you didn’t.  I get paid more. I’m taller. I’m skinnier.  My grass is greener than yours. My kids go to the “right” school and are smarter, more athletic, and more talented than yours.

When you feel these things, that you’re better than everyone, its dangerous.  It means that it has become easier for us to demoralize others, to lose our compassion, and our empathy.  If we see ourselves on a higher playing field than others, we can’t relate to them truly with love because we think we’re better than.

The opposite is also true.  What if it’s your brain that’s saying “you’re stupid”?  If you tell yourself that you’re not good enough, that’s just as bad as saying someone else isn’t good enough.  If you look at others and think they’re better than me because <insert reasoning here>, you’ll always feel bad on the inside.  You’ll never reach your full potential if you don’t believe in yourself.  It’s a terrible life to always compare yourself to others.

What if each of us realized that we are made to be exactly who we are, in this body, with this brain?  Who do you compare yourself to?  Are you in competition to be someone else?  Are you in competition with someone to be better than they are?  It’s a losing battle if you are.  You see, I can’t be you, and you can’t be me.  I have different talents and abilities than you, and that’s a good thing! We are all unique individuals, yet we are all connected.  We all have a life energy within us that connects us to others. Its hard to feel that energy if you’re too busy comparing yourself to others and trying to be better than them, or thinking you’re less than they are.

We all have faults, every person does.  And sometimes its easy to judge the faults of others and think we are better.  Its also easy to fall into the trap of thinking our faults are the worse faults there are, and we’re never going to be good enough.

I confessed my “better than” feeling to you, now I’d love to hear yours. I’d love it if you’d leave me a comment, even if you’re just correcting my grammar.


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Stuck!!

Samsung 064

This is my cat Dude. He’s really lazy, but he’s happy! 🙂

 

Some people get stuck.  We get stuck on the past and the problems and the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves.  If you get stuck, the first thing to do is to realize that you are stuck.  You stop growing when you’re stuck.  Being stuck feels like anxiety, sadness, that feeling of I don’t like this but I don’t know what to do about it. As soon as you feel this, acknowledge it.  Say to yourself, “Self, I’m stuck.  I don’t want to remain stuck.  I love you.  I completely love myself and I accept myself and all that goes with it. But I want to move forward, and I know that you know how to get us unstuck. Please proceed.”

(What? You don’t want to talk to yourself?  Its cool, I do it all the time!)

Sometimes we only talk to ourselves by the negative things in our heads, and that is something that’s very hard to control.  Instead, make time each day to tell yourself that you are good, you are love, and that its OK that you’ve made mistakes in your past. Its OK that you burnt your breakfast and had to throw it out.  Its OK that you broke the trim on the garage door because you got to close to it when you were backing out.  Its OK that you forgot the cans of cat food on the hall table and the dog chewed them to pieces, and its OK that you put the cereal in the fridge with the milk.  Too many times we beat ourselves up over silly things.  If you find yourself talking to yourself this way again, stop and imagine what you would say if your best friend told you her story about how she had done these things.  Would you berate her for this?  Would you tell him how stupid he was for something that insignificant?

Of course you wouldn’t. So why then do we tell ourselves these things?

Its very important to love yourself, forgive yourself and take care of yourself.

Its not being selfish. Trust me on this one.  I used to not take care of myself.  I have a family and I took care of them first, always.  But then somewhere down the line my body started to tell me that I couldn’t keep this up.  I needed to take the time to take care of me.  Its not something that will happen overnight, but with practice and time, you will learn what your body needs.

Mine needs healthy wholesome foods, no junk and no processed foods, I feel terrible when I eat that stuff!  I also need to visit my chiropractor on a regular basis.  If I don’t, I don’t feel as good as I know I do when I go.  I also need exercise, I feel better when I get up and move, and I need water, not so much coffee.  I also have recently found out that I really feel better when I go for a massage on a regular basis.  (Not a light back-rub, but a deep tissue massage from an actual massage therapist.)  My muscles get really tight, really fast, and if  skip a couple massages, I really feel it.  And tight muscles are much more prone to injury.

I also take the time to read, I love learning new things and this stimulates my mind.  I also have started taking the time to write.  It feels good to take the thoughts from my mind and translate them into something that others can read, and hopefully learn from as well.  I read some fiction once in awhile too, and that helps the imagination continue to function.  “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; and if you can dream it, you can become it.”  William Arthur Ward came up with this quote and its very true.  You are who you think you are, so make sure you think that you are an awesome person!

All in all, when I take the time to take care of myself, I don’t feel stuck.  I don’t feel lacking in anything.  Sometimes, we look at these things as nonessentials in our lives, because they do cost money and need to be budgeted for.  But if you look at the things you end up spending money on because you don’t take care of yourself, you will find that doing these things will actually save you money in the long run.  So you’ll feel better, look better, and you’ll have more money!! What could be better than that?

If something is important to you, you will find a way to do it.  And when you have a passion in your life, and things you believe in, it actually makes you a healthier person physically, mentally, and emotionally.  If someone sits around a lot, they tend to become depressed, thinking about everything that is wrong.  If instead you can focus on what’s right, you’ll feel a lot better.  Being stuck feels like the opposite of feeling better.  It feels worse.  It feels less than.  NO one wants to feel that way, and you shouldn’t have to.

What are things that make you feel better?  One study showed that people who volunteer their time to help others are happier than people who don’t. http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/  And other studies at Harvard University show that being a happier person can help you live longer and healthier lives!   http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/magazine/happiness-stress-heart-disease/

What’s something you can do for yourself today that will help you become a better you, and a healthier you? I’d love to hear your ideas, or what you’ve done that has made you feel better in the past.


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The First Day of Spring

The first day of spring is something I look forward to all winter.

Spring is baby ducklings, chicks, kittens, sprouts and buds and the early flowers turning the gray dull sky of winter into the blue sky of summer.  Its the old crusty snow retreating into the ground to make way for new blades of grass. Its about the rebirth of creation, like the death and resurrection. The old goes away and the new is born of the earth, fresh and green.  Its about babies of every species being born.

cardoon seedlings

Its about potential.  Its like New Year’s Day, with no pressure for a resolution. Its just you and nature and the awakening in your heart.

Here in my neck of the woods we are expecting our first rain tonight, like waking up to a clean house after a winter of hibernation. The dust and mold and dirt from the snow will disappear and the new growth will appear, and take over.

The potential to grow; it is something granted to each of us regardless of our age, gender, income, or anything else really.  If you are alive, you have the potential to become more than you are now.  You have the potential to learn new things, new crafts, new emotions, new affirmations.  You have the potential to be anyone you want to make yourself into.  You have a heart and a brain and a body.  You get to choose what you do with them.

I pray that you will choose the positive, the good, the smiles and the hugs.

I hope that you will choose freedom, forgiveness, optimism and joy.

I want you to choose that voice inside you that sings at the top of your lungs every time a good song comes on the radio.

Choose you, choose love, but always choose wisely.

What will you choose for your life today?  Happy Spring!


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Every Breath You Take

Are you a shallow breather?

Take a deep breath.  Did your chest rise?  Not sure? Put one hand on your chest and the other hand on your belly.  Take a deep breath.  Which hand moved?  If it was the hand on your chest, you’re breathing in shallow breaths. Why does this matter?  There are numerous health risks involved here, like decreased mental focus, less refreshing sleep, and higher blood pressure.

Try taking a deep breath through your nose for five seconds and use the air to push your belly out instead. Hold this air for a second or two and then exhale through your mouth also counting to five.  Do this a few times.  Did you notice a difference?

When we breathe in these deep belly breaths, we get more oxygen into our system.  The transfer of oxygen actually takes place in the bottom of our lungs.  When we breathe belly breaths, we get more oxygen into our lungs and into our bodies, and this makes us feel less stressed out! (My chiropractor told me this, and she was right!)

Anytime we feel stressed out or anxious, we can use this simple technique to relax.  If you practice this often, it will become the way you naturally breathe, again, like you did when you were a baby, and you will feel refreshed when you get enough oxygen. And when you feel refreshed, you just flat out feel happier. Take the challenge to breathe these deep belly breaths at least two or three times a day and see if you notice the difference.


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Be True to Yourself

I was at a workshop for which I had volunteered. I was there to help things go smoothly and to help with introducing speakers and cleaning up after it was finished. Near the kitchen door there were two garbage cans; one was for garbage, and one boasted a sign that it was intended for recycling. As I was waiting in line to discard my things into the trash, the man in front of me dumped his items into the correct cans, and then he reached into the garbage can, pulled out a plastic bottle, and put it into the recycling can. He didn’t pause, he didn’t debate, he didn’t make a snide comment about how ignorant some people are, he just reached in and grabbed it.

Now this may not sound very exciting, but the truth of the matter is; I noticed his act of environmentalism and I mentally applauded him for this. I could tell something about this man just from his actions. He is concerned about our planet, about our world, and he is smart enough to realize that our actions make a big difference to our surroundings.

Actions speak louder than words. We can all get on our soapboxes and say anything we want, but what do people see when they see us? What do our actions tell others about what’s important in our lives? If I say one thing and do another, do as I say not as I do, what does that really tell others about me?

Most people would call that a hypocrite.  A hypocrite is basically a liar; a liar who claims they are something they are not.  Now, don’t get me wrong, every one of us has been guilty of this in our lives.  No human is perfect.  But for most of us, its a rare occurrence.  But if its not a rare occurrence in your life, perhaps you need to sit down and decide what it really is that you are.  Who are you truly?

Sometimes we are placed into certain mindsets by other people; our parents, teachers, friends, peers, and even the media.  There are so many people trying to live up to stuff that they don’t even care about! But they have been told that its important, and they believe it.  We are told that if we aren’t successful, we are losers.  But what is success?  What does success look like in your mind?  That’s what’s important.  Perhaps you aren’t wealthy, but if you only see successfulness as wealth, you will have a low self-worth until you have made a lot of money.  If you see successfulness as having a spouse and children, and you’re still single, then you’re also not going to be happy until you have that in your life.

But what if we saw successfulness as just being our true selves?  What if we acknowledged that successfulness is different for each person?

Each of us is born with talents and abilities that are unique to ourselves. I like to call that our spiritual nature.   We are all very different in that nature, but yet very similar in our human nature.  We all have similar human needs; air, food, and water.  But we all have different spiritual needs.  We all have a purpose in life, a higher calling, an internal power that needs to be fed and nurtured.

Think back to when you were a small child.  What did you want to be when you grew up?  My mom kept this journal for each of her kids where she recorded different events in our lives; our first words, when we got our first tooth, and what we wanted to be when we grew up, among many other things.  I wanted to be a farmer.  My dad was a farmer, and so were both my grandfathers, and all my uncles.  So what made a little girl want to be a farmer?  I loved animals, and I loved being outdoors.  I had my own row in the garden where I planted lots of seeds of different varieties and grew all sorts of things.  I can remember beans, and zinnias, and melons, all growing in the same row in “my garden”.  My parents always had a garden, and even though I hated weeding with a passion, I loved eating fresh produce right from the plant.

As I got older my preferred occupation changed many times.  I held many different jobs, learned a lot about many different professions, and met hundreds of people.  But do you know what I want to be when I grow up?  A farmer.  Isn’t that ridiculous?  My children were both in their teens when I realized that I want to be a farmer.  Not just live on a farm,  I want to be an organic vegetable farmer.

I have a large garden, and that is my “farm”.  I love to talk with people about health and food, and the importance of nutrition.  How would I look if I talked like this but ate a bunch of junk food?  I have a small convenience store, and its filled with processed food of every kind.  But I have been putting what I eat on those shelves as well.  I’ve been adding the organic foods, and the healthy snacks and treats.  It will never be the organic grocery store, but its an improvement over what it was.

Once you figure out who you are in your heart, then you can start making the changes necessary to be true to yourself.  As long as you know in your heart that you are true to yourself, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you!  That is a great feeling!!  And once you no longer are worried about what other people think of you, you can start being yourself and stop trying to live up to the expectations of others.

Being yourself is the most successful person you can be.  Who are you?  Who are you really?

  I would love to hear from others who are learning about themselves, please leave me a comment!