I have a problem. I’m ready to admit it and get it out of my life. I worry too much about what other people think of me.
It’s really a fear of disappointing people, and this is the issue I’m working on getting out of my life. When I was a child I was a disappointment to my dad; I was the firstborn and I was a girl and he wanted a boy. This sounds quite trivial I know, but its something that I’ve been dealing with for quite some time. I wasn’t what my dad wanted. My mom was happy with me, my grandparents were all happy with me, so why does this one little thing matter?
I believe that each of us has trials in our lives, and problems that result from all kinds of weird things that happen to us, or untruths that we grow up believing. But this belief isn’t true for me. I’m happy that I was a girl. I’m happy with me, I love me. And I know that I was created this way, as a female, for a reason. I believe that God makes each one of us exactly the way He wants us to be for His purpose.
But I also believe that what we experience in our lives makes us stronger and makes us into who we are as adults. I consider myself to be a very strong woman, both mentally and physically, and spiritually. I also get very defensive when someone tries to tell me what to do. I don’t work that way. I have to decide to do something, no one can make me do it. I may be a little stubborn. (I get that from my dad and his family who were amazingly stubborn.) But this can be a good thing too.
A good thing? Remember, everything we experience can be a positive thing as long as we believe it is. My stubbornness manifests in me sticking to my guns, not giving up or giving in, and if I truly believe something in my heart, no one will change that. It makes me a stronger person, someone not scared to say what I mean, and say what I think. I can look back and see that me trying not to disappoint people was all in my head. I can’t disappoint anyone but myself. Anyone who feels disappointed in you is really just disappointed in the fact that they were wrong about you. Their idea of what they wanted you to do and what you did, were not the same. Its their belief system that was wrong, not yours. You can only satisfy yourself and your own belief system. The fact that my dad didn’t get what he wanted is not my problem.
(You can’t always get what you want. The Rolling Stones were right.)
So if I can take my own advice and remember this, I will be a much less anxious person, and will have a load off my shoulders. There’s no reason to worry about disappointing anyone except yourself. On that same note, you won’t disappoint God either, because He knows your heart and your desires better than you do, and He loves you no matter what.
What issues are you dealing with that may be something in your own belief system? Have you dealt with this in your life? What did you do to get out of this mindset?